Yes I agree with you, it’s very easy to get it confused. On the one had the people claiming to have no self and to be enlightened are presenting themselves as superior and not to be questioned, which is actually the trait of a narcissist- and it’s actually making the ego bigger.
On the other hand people with low self esteem or desperate for guidance will allow the narcissist to abuse them by telling themselves it is taking away the ego and it’s a blessing. That’s because of a wounding.
None of this confusion has anything to do with ‘no self’ and if anything the spiritual communities of today are taking people further away from that.
Yesterday I did an experiment and asked ChatGpt about claims of abuse against as many different spiritual groups that I could think of. And it existed for every single one of them…
The only way to discern js to 1) use the measuring stick of whether empathy and compassion is present in action, or not, and 2) realise no one owns the spiritual truth or has all of it (including me)