8 REASONS WHY YOU DON’T HEAL ~ Self healing impediments
Everyone wants perfect health consciously, but what we do not realise is that unconsciously, you may have beliefs that will ensure you will never achieve self healing (from a potentially ‘healable’ chronic health condition).* This can be the case no matter what new healing method you discover. Here are the eight main unconscious beliefs that will keep you stuck.
1. Underneath the hood, you feel you are unloved and unworthy of self healing
Much of the time a person will not succeed in self healing if, underneath in the vast expanse of their beautiful unconscious mind, they deeply believe they are not worthy. That is why it is important to search out any self healing method that can help you access your unconscious mind’s beliefs and become conscious of them.
“Until you make the unconscious conscious it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
Carl Jung
A person will not heal their mental health, or in some cases, physical condition if they never get to the true root of why they are ill.
For example, a person may not be succeeding in self healing due to an unresolved anger, or because of a deep heartbreak that may have come from one’s parents.
They key is in making sure you use every method possible to weed out any emotional pain rooted in a belief.
Love is a big issue for us. Almost always, the root of the pain can be an issue revolving around the experience of early love.
We missed love when we were a child, or we could not find a way to release our love into the world when we were young. We were rejected or hurt in this way, and underneath, we never really recovered. The search for an unmet need rooted in the ‘love lost wound’ can initially hold us back in ways we never thought possible.
To feel unloved can make a person feel they are unworthy of healing, or unworthy of help, and so they will find unconscious ways to hamper their progress. This submerged feeling can also make someone take actions to harm themselves, and to never fully be able to stop those actions.
To feel that one is lacking in love from others is essentially a tremendous heartbreak, which is all the more stronger when we are children. This creates a series of stress chemicals stuck in a positive feedback loop, and so, a lifetime of related symptoms.
When we feel unloved, it is hard to find and form healthy relationships, and this can contribute to further unbearable stress in the relationships we have, and in the work/career environment.
To give you an example, of how this can play out:
A teenage girl who has not experienced her emotional needs met as a child, will find herself seeking out anything that resembles love, even though she may not realise that is what she is doing.
Young girls often allow themselves to enter into relationships with men that are not truly loving because the act of sexual attraction at least resembles some kind of affection to them, whether they are recognising this consciously or not.
That means that they will allow themselves to share their bodies with men who just want to use them, rather than with men who truly have feelings of love for them.
Because these people have not experienced true love, they will not recognise whether it is there or not.
They are likely to fall into relationships with narcissistic personalities who give the appearance of love. This will create a lifetime of tremendous misfortune and stress, which can also lead to chronic mental and physical issues.
To give a second example:
It could be the case of a man whose mother abandoned him in some way, and now he cannot trust anyone to come close to him. He may find himself experiencing PTSD symptoms when any relationship approaches the semblance ‘love’.
At this stage the feelings of love for him are associated with feelings of fear and terror, making it very difficult to experience full relationships. They will cause intense stress chemicals to fire in various degrees, which could lead to illness eventually.
There is nothing more intensely stressful and damaging to the limbic system than something that is supposed to keep you safe, (or something that you are searching for to keep you safe), simultaneously being the source of a perceived threat.
The cognitive dissonance, and I would also coin the phrase ‘heart dissonance,’ is enough for many of the cogs in our brain to come loose!
That is why the solution to heal yourself should include an attempt to use any method that lets you make a deep dive into such unconscious beliefs and wounds of childhood.
Some of these techniques could be: soul retrieval, regressive hypnosis, self-dowsing to access your intuition about it, and the use of psychedelics, such as Ayahuasca, for healing purposes.
2. You identify with your wound
If you identify with your wound — if you obtain a sense of self, social benefit, security or purpose from holding on to your wound somehow, the truth is, you will never get rid of it!
Caroline Myss has extensive experience in relating to people who are trying to heal themselves. She noticed that there were some patterns in the ones who did not heal, despite them trying many methods. In her book, “Why people don’t heal, and how they can,” she explains a phenomena called ‘woundology.’
Although it is not so popular to talk about this, as an energy and psychic healer myself, I have noticed some people search out healing, but underneath “the hood” of the unconscious, they do not really want to heal. This is due to the aforementioned reason of feeling as if they are getting more benefit by holding on to their wound.
“One source (of energy), is the energy of other people, toward whom you may behave parasitically as a means of supplying your own system. If you use the energy of others in this way, you will eventually become addicted to it and grow more needy and helpless by the day.
More and more, you will look to others to boost your self-esteem or to give you ideas of how to live, act, or think, because you no longer have the energy to create your own life. This source of energy is usually short-lived because the people who are your “suppliers” will soon realize that being around you makes them feel that their energy is being drained, and they will avoid you.”
Caroline Myss
The healer will not heal the person, and the ones receiving the healing are also frustrated as they become more and more helpless, and unable to heal as well. A double whammy of misery.
I would say it is better for there to be greater awareness of this phenomenon because it has tremendous impact. If you do not nip it in the bud, it can truly re-traumatise everyone concerned — even the healer could become more sick.
3. Unconsciously, you might the fear strength and independence that comes with self healing
“A psyche that believes in its own emotional and psychological vulnerability can only produce a physical body that reflects the same “full house,” as they say in poker. If you fear strength and independence, you find it very difficult to retain or recover your health.”
Caroline Myss
This particular one is very difficult to address, because the very act of addressing it triggers the fear of taking responsibility, which means it may trigger an angry or defensive response.
A good question to work out if someone is doing this, is to look whether they are regularly comparing their history of wounds with others, and whether they feel somehow more empowered if they feel ‘more wounded’ than others.
To be more wounded than everyone else, means you do not have to take the responsibility for self healing that others take, because you are too wounded. Self-awareness is very transformative, so all you need to do in this case is be aware.
4. You have unconsciously interpreted ‘to heal’ to mean that you will be alone
For some people, a shared story of pain has brought them together, and for others, one person is the ‘helper’ and the other person is the ‘helped’ and so they then become dependent on this kind of relationship. The ‘helper’ may even psychologically depend on being able to help.
Some people unconsciously fear the emotional and psychological support to end if they become healthy. In many cases some kind of situation has formed where getting support from others in this way is the only way not to be alone.
But remember this is a situation which ties back to the the first issue I spoke about — that underneath, into the unconscious, a person is feeling an unloved wound.
They are clinging to the closest ‘appearance’ of a loving relationship. But the truth is, a conditional relationship based on whether you are needy or not, is not the real love you are searching for. The real love is, and always will be, unconditional.
If you suffer from this, search to heal the love wound, and the rest of your healing, or your true path in life may reveal itself wonderfully.
5. Pride could stop you from recognising what is the problem is
I have observed this in people who tend to have a competitive side, and who somehow unconsciously have made it very important to not show any kind of weakness.
This issue involving pride is extremely hard to deal with, and I would say it often never is dealt with. This is because the person has identified their true self and nature, with all aspects of their brain.
Pride, coupled with the completely unconscious aspects of what makes someone ill, means that a person will not be willing to accept there is something they cannot see about themselves. Moreover, they will not even consider this — it will often remain a complete blind spot.
Therefore they will not see the root cause of their illness. Many people seem to feel the need to be right and to know everything. I would say it can be a lethal combination.
Again, this comes back to the first issue in the list — about love. Somewhere along the line, the person associated being weak or lacking in knowledge with not being loved by family or society.
Unconsciously, they search for the closest approximation of love for them — to cling to a certain ‘image’ of themselves so they can obtain this approximation of love. I want to remind you that it is not the real love.
The truth is, we are made up of different parts in some ways, and much of what you can tie ‘pride’ to — is not even you!
We exist with a brain that is animal in nature — a limbic / lizard brain system that has been around millions of years before (humans in their current form arrived 200,000 years ago). Clearly, we have inherited this pre-programmed brain system from the an unimaginably long process of a 4 billion year evolution.
Therefore not only has this fight/ flight/ freeze/ shut down system got nothing to do with ‘you,’ it will of course be initially much stronger than any other part of us. It is indeed the task of the soul to work intelligently with it.
Your perceptions, likes and dislikes are simply various chemical symphonies within your brain. Change the chemicals and everything looks entirely different. Are the brain chemicals, ‘you’?
So why feel threatened by the weaknesses you discover in the the lizard brain?
It really has nothing to do with you, and the social acceptance one seeks, is not the love you are truly searching for in your soul anyway.
Again, search to heal the love wound.
6. Conversely, you may be focusing too much on the problem instead!
For others, they may have found themselves going too far the other way. They have become obsessed with figuring out what is wrong with them, or trying to see what horrible dark secret there is about themselves that they cannot see.
This will happen to the extent that they may start to see, or find, negative stories that never existed before. If someone is doing this, then their mindset will become overly negative and they will re-traumatise their limbic system, leading to more illness.
Nowadays, I would not say that so called qualified experts are always helping people! Certain high end psychotherapists, hypnotists and regression therapists have been known to end up even stimulating false negative memories. Such a thing can literally destroy lives, and certainly will not do a thing to help you heal. Scientific research has shown how easy it can be to simply implant false memories. To give you an example:
“I had been sent to a very famous Harley Street Psychiatrist who recovered some ‘memories’ for me which ‘helped’ me understand why I was so sexually inadequate for my partner. It’s all too easy to guess what comes next — it was all due to being sexually abused by my Dad. Even worse was that the psychiatrist ‘helped’ me realize that my Mum was bad too, as there ‘is no such thing’ as an innocent parent where any type of abuse is concerned … I could remember the nice psychiatrist with the truth drug needle hanging off my wrist and all the bad feelings that came with the memories. Then, about two or three years ago, I really began to think and did a little research — the truth drug is mind-altering. My memories were really muddled: stairs in the bungalow, the wrong dog in the house … and friends being the wrong age in the ‘memories.’
Following therapy, Heather’s new memories included one that her father carried her down the stairs of the family home before sexually abusing her. They lived in a bungalow at the time this was supposed to have happened.
Heather came to realize that her new abuse memories had been implanted during psychotherapy while she was heavily medicated. Fortunately there was light at the end of the tunnel and she is now reconciled with her father, but only following much heartache, after they became estranged for 15 years.”
The safest way to ensure your thoughts and suggestions received are not making things worse, is to always focus on the actual feeling of emotion and sensation stored in the connective tissue of the body — and on feeling those fully.
The brain may be making false associations but the body will not lie to you.
Even in the case that the past negative stories were true, facing the pains of our past is always going to be a fine balance.
You need to balance facing the worst, most scary parts of yourself with rest, relaxation and practices which bring you joy.
In somatic experiencing therapy, the technique of healing uses an approach of facing the pain, coupled with also experiencing of some part of the body where nothing is wrong and everything is well. For example, your stomach may hurt, but if you put your attention to the sensations in your foot, you might see how perfectly comfortable and content your foot is, and this will help to balance your experience out while you heal.
In the same way, always make sure that you notice all the great things about yourself as well. Engage in regular self love practices and long periods of rest while you are healing yourself. The rest is just as important as the weeding around in the muck is! Give yourself permission.
Additionally, if you are going to enter a hypnotic trance state of some kind in order to heal yourself, don’t ever focus on trying to remember something bad (if a memory comes up spontaneously that is fine, and important, but always focus on the emotion, and not the ‘story’).
Focus on a practice of imagining and inventing realities you would like to live instead.
The act of reducing limitations on one’s imagination expands one’s energy considerably, and allows for you to then see new possibilities in the day to day world. For this purpose, I have found Joe Dispenza’s meditations to be wonderfully uplifting if you are in the right state of mind.
Now, when I say the right state of mind, this is important! If you are in a particularly traumatised state when you try to invent a beautiful vision, your body is filled to the brim with painful emotions that need to be released.
That means if you try to meditate, you will experience all these painful emotions when you go into the presence required for an imaginative trance session, and you will not be able to do it. That is why a sense of balance and discernment is essential when you are trying to properly heal.
Decide whether you need to release the trauma from your body more than you need to create something positive, or ask yourself whether you need to focus on the positive more than releasing the negative.
Stay aware that this balance is crucial.
7. You might not be willing to pay the ‘price’ of healing
The ‘price’ of healing means that you will need to face painful emotions, as if you are passing through the ring of fire. You may need to give up certain habits or ways of being — a price some people may not be willing to pay.
For example, some people may feel that they cannot afford to spend period of time feeling the pain in their body and will opt to keep the pain buried and just do what they can to avoid it.
Otherwise, someone might refuse to give up a damaging relationship in exchange for the chance to heal. They might refuse to give up certain addictions, or they might refuse to give up certain cherished beliefs.
In this case, it is helpful to be as self-aware as possible, and keep asking yourself whether you want to pay the price for healing or not.
The best thing you can do is to simply remind yourself that you are not paying the price on purpose and the right action will arise from there.
8. You might not be seeing the illness for its greater meaning and purpose
There is always an opportunity to learn about truth itself when we are ill — either to find out the truth about oneself, or to find out the truth about the world around you.
The act of trying to find a solution, to learn discernment — all this is helping you gain greater wisdom. Even encountering the false healers and the false gurus, are teaching you about humanity and about how the world is. Each person is different, and only you will know how this applies to you, and what unique piece of insight you have gained from your challenge.
There is tremendous healing potential in coming to a place where you can face the pain of an illness, in peace, because you know it has brought you a greater awareness.
Once you can detach from whether you heal or not, to a certain level, a new transformative energy may become available to you.
If you are constantly seeing the illness as the product of a cruel and unloving universe, it may prevent you from coming to a place of peace, and prevent you from accessing that energy.
That is why this ties back to my first point, about the struggle to heal often being about a wound of feeling as if we do not have true love.
If you struggle to release the feeling that universe is not friendly, or loving, to you, see if you can heal the ‘unloved’ wound.
- ”Potentially healable” refers here to any chronic health condition which some others have reported to have been able to ‘heal’, or go into remission with. It does not refer to any irreversible chronic health conditions, for which there has been no evidence (so far) of anyone going into remission with. All of these suggestions, are only recommended as complementary practices to work alongside professional medicine and should never be taken as medical advice.
